What to do, what to do, what to do? GOT IT!! (those of you who watch Robin Hood: Men in Tights will get it) Except in this case, I'm not going to throw an archery tournament and attempt to assassinate the main character. Instead, I'm going to run to God, because right now my head is whirling with possibilities and fears, opportunities and reminders of past failures and pain. I'm currently in what I would call a "mysterious dispensation." In other words, a chapter of my life that I know is somewhat transitory, but I have no clue where I'm being led. To somewhat of a control freak, that sucks. Bigtime. I like planning for the future; I enjoy knowing where I'm headed so I can "stockpile" resources- time, energy, money, experiences, knowledge- that I'm going to need to get the job done. I'm goal oriented, can you tell? I'm a creative goal oriented person, and I'm still not sure how that works, but I'm also a chill person who brings intensity to situations. Not sure how that works either. Go figure. I'm in the process of growing up, and nothing makes me more aware of that than how many of my friends are going through legal name-change ceremonies. Marriage. Not only that, but getting pregnant, buying houses and having careers. I'm twenty-two years old, single, living at home, and I work part-time at a bus company with a degree in Biblical Studies and a partial degree in who-the-heck-knows-what. I'm in youth ministry with my church right now, volunteering, and I love it. I wish I could do it for a living. I'd love to move down to Mukwonago, get an apartment there, and just work with these middle- and high-school students. They're so wonderful; I love seeing how God is working in their lives to get their attention, and I adore being part of it. In fact, the prospect of doing anything but youth ministry is heartbreaking to me. Problem is, especially as a woman, there are no career prospects in that area. Not paid, anyway. Especially since I don't believe women should be pastors except over exclusively women and children. So the dilemma is...go back to school...but for WHAT? And where? And please God let the state/country give me the money to do this. And how the heck am I gonna find time for the homework when my life is already crazy? Should I move to Mukwonago? What if I end up in a relationship that draws me in a different direction from this church? My dad would love for me to get married, but....well that's just a whole different story that tends to end badly. Nutshell...I'm a loser magnet.
I really wish God communicated in enormous blaze-orange construction signs for those of us who are too stupid and pig-headed to hear Him when He whispers.
Maybe a hearing aid?
Oh my dear I love you so....
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