So I've put together a prayer letter...

Click Here!


check it out and lemme know what you think! :)

So I guess it’s time...

...for even more honesty than usual. I’m not trying to say that I’m usually DIShonest, but sometimes, tact is overrated and being an optimist is just not realistic if I’m gonna communicate clearly. 

Life feels weird. There’s no other way to describe it. I’m feeling emotions that I don’t have words for, and I feel oddly out-of-body sometimes, like I’m observing my life from someone else’s point of view. Strangely enough, it’s helping me to deal with the bewildering pace of, well, stuff. 

What is stuff? Well, how about my entire family leaving for various points of the world; Alaska, Indonesia, Papua New Guinea...and Cable, Wisconsin, which is just far enough away to be downright irritating. How about dealing with my best friend of 10 years turning into bridezilla on me just prior to her wedding, leading to the end of our friendship. How about the college I thought God was leading me to ending up being just a means God was using to re-direct me...full circle, to staying here in Wisconsin, and waiting. For what? Who the heck knows. I’m heading into missions as a tentative direction, pending confirmation from the Most High Navigator. How about the guy I’d been in an undefined kind of relationship with for 4 months, “officially” dated for 3 days, then suddenly dumping me with some lame excuse, simply because he couldn’t take being in a relationship with someone who didn’t worship the ground he walked on and called him on his crap. Pansy. How about my other best friend suddenly walking out on me when she’d moved into my room without even asking permission when her lease ran out, making me feel like a jerk and telling me she didn’t feel “welcome.” Really. 

Being rejected sucks. Especially when it’s not anything to do with you. When people’s personal issues get taken out on you, your life automatically kinda sucks hardcore, especially because I struggle to remember that I don’t have to feel like the jerk, ‘cause I’m NOT. I’ve been used, abused, burned more times than I can remember, censored, humiliated.....but honestly, I love seeing how God is using to make me a more effective tool for His glory. 

Whoa. Hold on. Here I thought this was a huge pity party. PSYCH! It’s not. Sure, I feel kinda crappy about my life right now, but since when does telling yourself to just “suck it up” and stuff whatever you’re thinking into some far corner of your mind, refusing to deal with whatever it is, help? Rarely, if ever. So here’s me, telling the truth about the crap that’s getting flung at me by life right now. Because the truth sets you free, and in this case, here’s why; when I admit what’s going on in my life and myself, and I give it to God, I ask Him to show me where HE is in all of it, and I begin to see His hand at work in everything as I obey His promptings, even when it means total chaos. 

He’s weaning me of parasitic friends who would hamper my availability to serve Him. 

He’s giving me new people in my life to serve and come alongside to help serve others.

He’s helping me form new friendships that will edify me and strengthen my walk with Him.

He’s taking the knowledge that I’ve gained through past relationships and using it to make it easier for me to understand people that I’m serving with, strengthening the bonds of unity and the effectiveness of the ministry that we have. 

He’s keeping my heart soft, as He reminds me again and again that retreating behind a wall of safety in my heart will get me NOWHERE. It is better to continually be hurt than to feel nothing, because when one has experienced pain, they are more suited to minister to others in pain and help bear their burdens, as Scripture commands us to. 

He is forcing me to realize my bare self, and where my identity is; removing any idols that stand in my way, whether they’re people, things, preconceptions, wrong ideals, you name it. 

In other words, He is telling me the truth. And the truth is what sets me free. 

Free to be effective in ministry without bringing along unnecessary baggage that would hamper the work. 

Free to be myself even when I’m in situations that are insecure or uncertain.

Free to stand up for what I believe even when everything else says otherwise.

Free from the bonds of the culture I live in, to influence others to His culture. 

The list goes on, really. And as Satan does his best, or his worst, to trip me up and discourage me, I shall keep my eyes on the Most High God, who lets me call him Abba. Daddy. 

so here's the pix I promised...

the tent situation...

CRAZINESS on the way there

NOS ad in the making fo sho

Morning devotions- Mark doin' his thang

Playing ninja to kill some time and burn some energy

So I'm back from rafting...

and I had a great time!! Shot 6 sets of rapids, shot some rapids minus the raft too just for kicks, fell off a 30 foot cliff, got bruised and scraped up, and I'm exhausted and smelly but I had an awesome weekend connecting with a great group of middleschoolers. Did you know that dogs can be de-barked?? So weird. Pix of the trip to come...

so I'm up way too late

...on a Sunday morning (it makes sense in my mind, at least)...and it's one of those nights when the simple things are fascinating, reminiscences wash over me at the slightest provocation, and everything in me reaches out to God like a child who wants to be picked up SO badly when Daddy gets home from work, for the security of the hug and the strong arms around you. Oh man, life is hard. I've had some verses from Galatians in my head all day. "I have been crucified with Christ, I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live through the Son of God, who loves me and gave himself for me. I do not set aside the grace of God, for if righteousness can be gained through the law, Christ died for nothing." or something to that effect...I'm writing from memory here. Basically, my identity is something I've been struggling with lately. Who am I really? Am I defined by my friends, my hobbies, my circumstances, my family, my job, the music I listen to? And the only answer I come up with to those is an overwhelming NO! The problem is, I so often find myself doing exactly that; defining myself by those things, instead of by the fact that I'm a saint. I'm a child of God, saved by Christ, and heirs with Him to the Kingdom of God. God looks at me and doesn't see all of the surrounding noise of life; He sees me, the one He knew even before I was born, washed in the blood of His Son, whose days are carefully numbered and watched by Him as He continually shows me His faithfulness, proving over and over again that He is utterly trustworthy. As the prophet Zephaniah said, He is mighty to save, and He rejoices over me with singing. My name is written on the palm of His hand. Nothing else matters. My identity is entirely swallowed up in the sea of grace that flows over me, and through me to the rest of the world. God's heart is for the lost people in the world, the hurt, the struggling, and the ones who think they're "good enough" to get into Heaven, only to realize in the end, too late, that Christ is the only Way. What am I doing with my life that reflects His glory to the lost and broken? I am His, and His alone, and like Paul said, I want to be "Like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and in truth [with Christ]." That's in Philippians chapter 2, btw. I want to "do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than [myself]." To "look not only to [my] own interests, but also to the interests of others." To have the same attitude of Christ, who was willing to be made nothing so that God's glory could defeat death, and make us more than conquerors. How radical is that?! So really, my identity is something that I couldn't possibly attain by myself. And that's a good thing, because, like the verse in Galatians said, if righteousness could be gained by following a set of rules, Christ died for nothing. It's because of Christ's death on the cross that I have been given direct access to the throne room of God, and therefore access to everything I need to live a righteous life, following the example set by Christ, not by my own strength, but because of the strength made available to me by Christ. Good thing, too, cause I SUCK at life most of the time when I try to do it all on my own. Not sure if there was really any point to this post other than working through my own mental process of asking the question that's on my mind, and then going through what I know to be truth, but it sure feels like the hug that I needed when I'm reminded of all that has been done for me by my very personal Savior who understands my every struggle and insecurity, loving me all along the way.