Friday, July 12, 2013

Blogs; a love-hate relationship


Lately, I’ve had a commentary running through my head that makes it difficult to sleep, so I figured I may as well take it from mental stew to actual verbage so I can get some shuteye. 

Blogs. People who read blogs. People who love to hate blogs. 

Blogs are, by nature, a journal entry of sorts. They’re an expression of an entirely biased, often emotional, point of view. And that’s okay! At least, it should be. I enjoy reading various blogs and, whether they’re about cooking, crafting, or cooperating (excuse the alliteration), they’re chock-full of emotion. Passion, excitement, creativity, frustration, anger, and pain are all dripping down the page, and the vulnerable state the writer has put themselves in opens up the gates of support and commiseration, but also criticism, negativity, and downright hatred. 

Has tact crawled into a hole somewhere and died? What about the saying “If you can’t say anything nice, shut the heck up!”? When I was in school, I learned to delay my opinion until I had read an entire piece and mulled it over awhile, instead of stopping somewhere that offended my sensibilities and writing the piece off entirely. If I wanted to read a sterile, Spock-like breakdown, I’d go read a medical journal, not a blog. The emotion is what makes writing vibrant, interesting, and memorable. 

It reminds me of fashion shows. Work with me here; picture a waif-thin model in tottering heels, wrapped in some custom fabric that’s held on with safety pins and fishing line; flashbulbs going off in every direction, and people everywhere admiring and taking notes. Are they going to take that exact look a wear it on the street? Of course not. Are they going to take note of the color, the cut, and the pattern and transfer it to their wardrobe in a wearable way? Yes, if the piece appeals to their eyes and sense of style. 

In the same way, when we read posts that suggest change or a new perspective, we should read it with a grain of salt, and realize that whether or not the writer is “correct”, they’re writing from their heart, and those emotions are real and raw. When we “hate” on that, we’re not being helpful. We’re creating a chasm between us that will prevent growth on either of our parts. 

Likewise, when someone re-posts a blog piece, it’s likely because something in the post has resonated with their past or present in some small way. They’re opening themselves up, and when all they get are critics saying “oh, it’s so dramatic, they really need to just chill out” or “this person is obviously angry, so nothing they say can be true or have any value at all”, the person who re-posted can feel as though the part of them that resonated with the blog is stupid, foolish, and wrong. 

Please, I beg you, stop the negativity, and consider that not everyone was raised the same way, has the same life experience, or even the same cultural lens that you do; show a little grace, a little tact, and some class. 

Monday, January 3, 2011

Decisions, decisions. (yes, I broke theme...I got bored)

What to do, what to do, what to do? GOT IT!! (those of you who watch Robin Hood: Men in Tights will get it) Except in this case, I'm not going to throw an archery tournament and attempt to assassinate the main character. Instead, I'm going to run to God, because right now my head is whirling with possibilities and fears, opportunities and reminders of past failures and pain. I'm currently in what I would call a "mysterious dispensation." In other words, a chapter of my life that I know is somewhat transitory, but I have no clue where I'm being led. To somewhat of a control freak, that sucks. Bigtime. I like planning for the future; I enjoy knowing where I'm headed so I can "stockpile" resources- time, energy, money, experiences, knowledge- that I'm going to need to get the job done. I'm goal oriented, can you tell? I'm a creative goal oriented person, and I'm still not sure how that works, but I'm also a chill person who brings intensity to situations. Not sure how that works either. Go figure. I'm in the process of growing up, and nothing makes me more aware of that than how many of my friends are going through legal name-change ceremonies. Marriage. Not only that, but getting pregnant, buying houses and having careers. I'm twenty-two years old, single, living at home, and I work part-time at a bus company with a degree in Biblical Studies and a partial degree in who-the-heck-knows-what. I'm in youth ministry with my church right now, volunteering, and I love it. I wish I could do it for a living. I'd love to move down to Mukwonago, get an apartment there, and just work with these middle- and high-school students. They're so wonderful; I love seeing how God is working in their lives to get their attention, and I adore being part of it. In fact, the prospect of doing anything but youth ministry is heartbreaking to me. Problem is, especially as a woman, there are no career prospects in that area. Not paid, anyway. Especially since I don't believe women should be pastors except over exclusively women and children. So the dilemma is...go back to school...but for WHAT? And where? And please God let the state/country give me the money to do this. And how the heck am I gonna find time for the homework when my life is already crazy? Should I move to Mukwonago? What if I end up in a relationship that draws me in a different direction from this church? My dad would love for me to get married, but....well that's just a whole different story that tends to end badly. Nutshell...I'm a loser magnet.
I really wish God communicated in enormous blaze-orange construction signs for those of us who are too stupid and pig-headed to hear Him when He whispers.
Maybe a hearing aid?

Saturday, October 30, 2010

so it's amazing to me...

how God places the right people in your life at the right times. He’s so personal like that, it’s crazy. He knows when you’re gonna need someone to keep pestering you about “what’s wrong” when you don’t even know, and then sit there and listen while you try to explain the jumble of thoughts and emotions in your head, and then they just perfectly understand it, because they’re going through it too. Like right now, I’m going through this strange transition into adulthood and leadership and learning to lead people spiritually and also be submissive to God at the same time. I do NOT envy guys their position as head of the household...it’s HARD to lead and be submissive simultaneously. Kudos to you guys that juggle those roles. On my whiteboard, I’ve had a few phrases written down for months now, and never fully understood why I’ve had them up there until tonight. 
“Trust Him in the dark; honor Him with unwavering confidence even in the midst of mysterious dispensations.”
“...to have a vacant place in my heart and yet to allow that place to be filled by no inferior presence.” 
“Lord, give us faith to fully trust Your word, even when everything else witnesses the other way.” 
I’ve had my life brought to the point where I’m NOT at all in control of it, and, honestly, I don’t like it. Humanly speaking, I’m a control freak. I like to know where I’m going, to have all my ducks in a row, so to speak, and to be able to plan stuff out. Not being able to do that SUCKS. I don’t really know where God is headed with my life right now. I thought missions for sure, but now I’m not sure anymore, and I guess that’s okay. God knows. I don’t really need to. But I WANT to. This is the problem. I’m in the dark right now, and I’m struggling to trust Him. I know He’s got my good and His glory in mind, but I wish I could see more than the next step. Actually, I wish I could see the next step, ‘cause I can’t even see that right now. 
I also have this weird need within me to cling to things to which I need to let go. Family, friends, past experiences, who I am, dreams of mine. I need to just let go and let God do His thing, but again, control freak kicks in. It’s one of my biggest struggles, and it introduces fear into my life, and I hate that. I also hate the void I feel when I’m not trusting God, and I know that I try to fill it with other things, but like the quote above says, I need to not let it be filled by any “inferior presence.” Nothing and no-one will complete me but God. Who I am is wrapped up in Him and His work, and I really struggle to own that knowledge in my heart, so I pray again; 
“Lord, give me faith to fully trust Your word, even when everything else witnesses the other way.” 

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

...So I love how God teaches me stuff...

 ...lets me communicate it to someone else who needs it, then helps me re-learn it because I’m too much of an idiot to let it sink in and stick the FIRST time. Ha. I opened the devotional book I read ad infinitum, called “Streams in the Desert” (and received from an amazing friend and mentor, Leah Humphreys), and it fell open to the August 5th page, upon which I’d written “Treat [God’s] promises as REALITIES!” The Scripture for that day was 2 Corinthians 12:9- “But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that christ’s power may rest on me.”  How crazy is it that we so often forget about how God says things; His grace IS sufficient, not “may, can or might be”. IS. End of story. We get into this bad habit of asking God for stuff He’s already provided; strength, grace, power, forgiveness. We (especially me) have all these excuses about sin we get into, especially since we can explain it away as “not really sin”, such as worry or stress. God specifically tells us NOT to worry. “DO NOT worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” - Matthew 6:34. Or how about this one, from Luke 12:22-25 “Then Jesus said to his disciples: ‘Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body what you will wear. Life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! Who f you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?’” Or how about Philippians 4:6- “Do not be anxious about anything.” And only two verses previously, it commands us instead to “Rejoice in the Lord always! I will say it again: REJOICE!” I love how Francis Chan puts it:
Worry implies that we don’t quite trust that God is big enough, powerful enough, or loving enough to take care of what’s happening in our lives. 
Stress says that the things we are involved in are important enough to merit our impatience, our lack of grace toward others, or our tight grip of control. 
Both worry and stress reek of arrogance. 
Whoa. 
In other words...GET OVER YOURSELF. 
I’m gonna sound like I’m on Chan’s payroll here, but he has a tendency to steal the words out of my mouth. 
“God has allowed hard things in your life so you can show the world that your God is great and that knowing Him brings peace and joy, even when life is hard.” 
“I am thankful for the unknowns and that I don’t have control, because it makes me run to God.” 
I just finished reading Colossians for the n-th time, and one thing that strikes me as a prominent theme in it is thankfulness. Actually, thankfulness is just a huge theme in all of Paul’s works that seems to go hand in hand with the study of God’s word and living a Christ-centered life, as well as knowing God and understanding His will. So that was a huge paraphrase, but really, read the epistles. You’ll see what I mean. 
In Chan’s book, Crazy Love, he includes a paper written by a 14-year old girl named Brooke Bronkowski who was sold out for God, entitled “Since I Have My Life Before Me.” She died in a car accident shortly after writing it, but at her funeral at least two hundred students accepted Christ. 
“Since I Have My Life Before Me”
I’ll live my life to the fullest. I’ll be happy. I’ll brighten up. I will be more joyful than I have ever been. I will be kind to others. I will loosen up. I will tell others about Christ. I will go on adventures and change the world. I will be bold and not change who I really am. I will have no troubles but instead help others with their troubles. 
You see, I’ll be one of those people who live to be history makers at a young age. Oh, I’ll have moments, good and bad, but I will wipe away the bad and only remember the good. In fact that’s all I remember, just good moments, nothing in between, just living my life to the fullest. I’ll be one of those people who go somewhere with a mission, an awesome plan, a world changing plan, and nothing will hold me back. I’ll set an example for others, I will pray for direction. 
I have my life before me. I will give others the joy I have and God will give me more joy. I will do everything God tells me to do. I will follow the footsteps of God. I will do my best!!!

The only thing I would change is the very last line...I will do everything through Christ who gives me strength, because my best won’t last very long. 
So anyway, I know this post, like all others, starts in one place and doesn’t really end where you’d expect it to, but that’s fine. I hope you got something out of it, but even if you didn’t, it’s been good for me to solidify my thoughts a bit more. 

Saturday, August 21, 2010

So I guess it’s time...

...for even more honesty than usual. I’m not trying to say that I’m usually DIShonest, but sometimes, tact is overrated and being an optimist is just not realistic if I’m gonna communicate clearly. 
Life feels weird. There’s no other way to describe it. I’m feeling emotions that I don’t have words for, and I feel oddly out-of-body sometimes, like I’m observing my life from someone else’s point of view. Strangely enough, it’s helping me to deal with the bewildering pace of, well, stuff. 
What is stuff? Well, how about my entire family leaving for various points of the world; Alaska, Indonesia, Papua New Guinea...and Cable, Wisconsin, which is just far enough away to be downright irritating. How about dealing with my best friend of 10 years turning into bridezilla on me just prior to her wedding, leading to the end of our friendship. How about the college I thought God was leading me to ending up being just a means God was using to re-direct me...full circle, to staying here in Wisconsin, and waiting. For what? Who the heck knows. I’m heading into missions as a tentative direction, pending confirmation from the Most High Navigator. How about the guy I’d been in an undefined kind of relationship with for 4 months, “officially” dated for 3 days, then suddenly dumping me with some lame excuse, simply because he couldn’t take being in a relationship with someone who didn’t worship the ground he walked on and called him on his crap. Pansy. How about my other best friend suddenly walking out on me when she’d moved into my room without even asking permission when her lease ran out, making me feel like a jerk and telling me she didn’t feel “welcome.” Really. 
Being rejected sucks. Especially when it’s not anything to do with you. When people’s personal issues get taken out on you, your life automatically kinda sucks hardcore, especially because I struggle to remember that I don’t have to feel like the jerk, ‘cause I’m NOT. I’ve been used, abused, burned more times than I can remember, censored, humiliated.....but honestly, I love seeing how God is using to make me a more effective tool for His glory. 
Whoa. Hold on. Here I thought this was a huge pity party. PSYCH! It’s not. Sure, I feel kinda crappy about my life right now, but since when does telling yourself to just “suck it up” and stuff whatever you’re thinking into some far corner of your mind, refusing to deal with whatever it is, help? Rarely, if ever. So here’s me, telling the truth about the crap that’s getting flung at me by life right now. Because the truth sets you free, and in this case, here’s why; when I admit what’s going on in my life and myself, and I give it to God, I ask Him to show me where HE is in all of it, and I begin to see His hand at work in everything as I obey His promptings, even when it means total chaos. 
He’s weaning me of parasitic friends who would hamper my availability to serve Him. 
He’s giving me new people in my life to serve and come alongside to help serve others.
He’s helping me form new friendships that will edify me and strengthen my walk with Him.
He’s taking the knowledge that I’ve gained through past relationships and using it to make it easier for me to understand people that I’m serving with, strengthening the bonds of unity and the effectiveness of the ministry that we have. 
He’s keeping my heart soft, as He reminds me again and again that retreating behind a wall of safety in my heart will get me NOWHERE. It is better to continually be hurt than to feel nothing, because when one has experienced pain, they are more suited to minister to others in pain and help bear their burdens, as Scripture commands us to. 
He is forcing me to realize my bare self, and where my identity is; removing any idols that stand in my way, whether they’re people, things, preconceptions, wrong ideals, you name it. 
In other words, He is telling me the truth. And the truth is what sets me free. 
Free to be effective in ministry without bringing along unnecessary baggage that would hamper the work. 
Free to be myself even when I’m in situations that are insecure or uncertain.
Free to stand up for what I believe even when everything else says otherwise.
Free from the bonds of the culture I live in, to influence others to His culture. 
The list goes on, really. And as Satan does his best, or his worst, to trip me up and discourage me, I shall keep my eyes on the Most High God, who lets me call him Abba. Daddy.